My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
