When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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