he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize