If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
