Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
