I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
being pregnant is like rehab
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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