Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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