Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know her cup size but not her name....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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