During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
