I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
