Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
