what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
