when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
