To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
