I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
