they need to just BURY HIM!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
