i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
