Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
