She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
