i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
