Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
