walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
