Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I need to stop coming to work sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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