I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
