Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
