If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My vagina just recognized that song.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
