Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
