I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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