how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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