I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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