I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
