we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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