oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
