Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize