i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
