Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
