I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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