i jhust puked up my retainher.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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