i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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