ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
