i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
