But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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