I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
