totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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