Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pants are for mortals
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize