she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
