Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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