I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
