i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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