apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
