I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
