If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
