Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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