I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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