Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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