it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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