I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
