you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
