Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
