if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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