exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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