Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
