I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
