I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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