Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
did you just send me my own nude
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
