Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
