high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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