Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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