she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
NoShamevember. You game?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
