just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
a search helicopter?!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
