why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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