Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
