..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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