She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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