she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
