I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
