If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
