I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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