And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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