At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
